The Gift of Repentance

The Gift of Repentance

One of the questions I have found myself asking over the past few years is why do I still sin? If I am a Christian and apparently love Jesus so much, why do I still sin? It is a question that has driven me to worry and guilt. What I have found is something that I wish someone would have told me from the start.  You will still sin, but your attitude and heart toward sin will change. God regenerated my heart at the time of salvation and gave me a new heart with new desires, but as T.W. Hunt points out, my new heart  still has to contend with established habits, the culture in which we live, and the work of Satan. So I will still sin, which is why God gave the gift of repentance.

Repentance is truly a gift, one that I have known much of, because as you can guess, I have done much sin. I am a sinner by nature and by choice, and the more I follow Jesus the more I realize that is true. One thing that was made clear to me recently by Pastor Mark Driscoll, is that there is a difference between admitting my sin and repenting of my sin. At times I am willing to admit my sin but not actually willing to do anything about it. I like the way T.W. Hunt describes real repentance “sharing the grief of God over our sin”. Which means I don’t just hate the consequences of my sin because I got caught or it made my life harder. I hate my sin because I love my God, and it grieves my heart.  Repentance is not always easy to come by. My heart can easily get hardened from my sin, which keeps me from being healed. At times I have to pray for repentance. Other times the Holy Spirit just brings the smack down and I find myself face down on my living room floor. I have wept so hard over my sin on some occasions that I have had to throw up. These moments are amazing by the way. It is such a gift when God turns me around and allows me to see my sin for what it truly is, not the way it was presented to me at the time. Times of weeping with God over my sin have changed me and healed me in truly miraculous ways.  Although I hate my sin I am not as surprised by it as I used to be. I am certainly getting better at staying away from it, but when it does happen, I now seize the opportunity to cure my self-reliance and renew my need for Jesus. Instead of getting weighed down by guilt, I have learned to ask myself “What is the deepest truest desire of my heart? Is it to please God or to please myself?” If it is to please God then I am rest assured, in spite of my sin I am still a child of God because I have trusted in Jesus.

1 John 1:12- “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”

Thank you Jesus!

Inadequacy

God,
I love your secret little gifts. Gifts that only you, who search my heart and know my mind would give. They are subtly sweet, like an inside secret between the two of us. A whisper of encouragement. These melt my heart.

The past few weeks I have been struggling with parenting a three year old. Feeling lots of condemnation and total inadequacy. To be perfectly honest I was not enjoying my son and was sick of parenting. This led to tons of guilt and depression. And oh my goodness did my enemy take all of that and run with it. Feeling way too guilty to come to God to free me, I surrendered instead to the attack I was under and the horrible attitude I had. There were quite a few days I would just wake up in tears being so overwhelmed by the inadequacy of my abilities to do anything well. I felt so discouraged.

Finally after a couple weeks of damage, The holy spirit tugged me in and I cried to God and begged himfor his help.  ( I also had a lot of apologizing to do. )

He quickly comforted me with two verses.
 Romans 8:18- "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." God was saying "Dawn, it's okay. Your struggle right now is nothing compared to the Glory I will live out in you. Stop focusing on  yourself,  and look at me!"

Romans 8:26-"the spirit helps us in our WEAKNESS. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself, intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" He said, "you have help" The spirit himself pleads to God for me in accordance to his will. I have the holy spirit, who is in high position with God working om my behalf. I would definitely call that help.

Feeling refreshed by my conversation with God I felt much better, however, I am still struggling against my bad habits. God encouraged me with a couple of presents today.

My attitude with my son this morning was so completely different than it had been all week. I didn't do anything particularly different, I just felt free from the darkness I had been sulking in. As we were getting ready to leave for the day Gabriel said to me "I had fun at my house this morning" This stopped me right in that moment. Please understand the weight of those words. The mornings had been the absolute worst between me and Gabe and when my attitude was the ugliest. So Gabriel's sweet little voice saying those words to me was such a gift from God. Like a kiss on the forehead from my father. It really lifted my heart.

Then, a few hours into my work day I felt the need to stop and pray. I only had a couple minutes so I hung my head and felt such a great need for Jesus's help because I am a total spiritual wimp.  So I prayed and talked to God about my inadequacy. Then I opened my bible to look back at Romans 8, but on my way there God stopped me another page. I had written a note from a study I had done a few months ago. At the top of the page was written:

"You have to know your inadequate to be effectively used by the Holy Spirit"-Larry Crabb

Amen, what an encouragement.

So the cure to my inadequacy isn't to become adequate. It is to be filled with the Holy Spirit because Jesus is adequate!
I had it totally backwards! Thinking I needed to work really hard to become a better christian. The point is, as Romans 8:18 says, Look at Jesus!

It really is all about Jesus!
 

Meditations on 2 Peter 1:3

2 Peter 1:3 says that "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption of the world caused by evil desires"

One of the best ways for me to mediate on a scripture is to one, memorize it, and second journal about it. Normally I hand write my journals but I can keep up with my brain a lot better this way and I get to share it with you.

When God first showed me this scripture a few weeks ago. It broke me, I instantly began of to cry the moment I read it aloud. The part that really got me was "having escaped the corruption of the world" Sometimes I feel so trapped in my own "badness" like I just can't shake it off, like I just can't do a good enough job being a Christ follower, mom, daughter ect. I get very overwhelmed by this feeling of guilt and defeat because I so long to be a great daughter of God. When I read that I have escaped the corruption of the world it felt so freeing, and not only that, God's power provides me with everything I need to be a Godly woman .WOW! That means I can do this, I can participate in his divinity not because of anything that I do but because of HIM my great and wonderful father.

These are the things that make me a better woman:
1. His own glory and goodness
2. His very great and precious promises
3. His divine power

I am not a bundle of great works and deeds that will make me a better person because I do all the "right" things. He is the good and glorious one who makes me right. I love what Mark Driscoll says "You do not have any righteousness, but Jesus will give you His"

I am so grateful that I get to be changed by His glory and goodness not my own self. I get so defeated with myself without his power. 

Remember that the first line of this scripture is an ABSOLUTE statement. His divine power gives us EVERYTHING we need for life and Godliness" Not a thing is left out. Our God is so thorough in his work and you can trust that he will bring it completion no matter what stage your in because the one who called you is FAITHFUL!

Thank you Jesus!